Noah's Ark Today

From JPost

Noah's ark By Emma Kimor

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an ark."

One year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a turmoil. Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah," the Lord shouted, "Where is the ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah, "I did my best but there were problems: First I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with security over whether or not the ark needed a fire sprinkler system and flotation devices. Big problems arose over getting enough wood for the ark because there is a ban on cutting trees. Then the carpenters' union went on strike and I had to negotiate a settlement with the Histadrut national labor relations board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. (Now I have 16 carpenters on the ark, doing nothing.)

"When I started rounding up the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group for taking only two of each kind aboard. Once this suit was dismissed, I was notified that I could not complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. Besides, the IDF Engineering Corps demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. This was settled satisfactorily: I sent them a globe.

"That's not all. Right now the income tax commissioner has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got notice that I owe the state some kind of 'use' tax and that I was to register the ark as a 'recreational water craft.'

"Finally, there is a court injunction pending against further construction of the ark altogether. Since God is flooding the earth, it claims, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional...

"Really, dear God, I don't think I can finish the ark at all!"

Just then the sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. Noah looked up at the rainbow across the sky.

"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord, "I don't have to - the government already has."
- Adapted from an anonymous sermon